Getting ready.

So, here’s the recipe we made, somewhat adapted from the Mayfield’s version:

Poached Pears

Ingredients:
5 bosc pears
1 quart pure pomegranate juice
2 oranges
a few sticks of cinnamon
2 inches fresh ginger, sliced and crushed slightly with the flat of a knife

Directions:
Core and peel the pears. The Mayfields recommend using a melon baller, digging in from the bottom of the pears until the seeds were all gone, and it worked great.

Juice the oranges.

Make sure the oldest serenades appropriately. (It really makes it taste better.)

Place the pears in a pan with all the other ingredients, and simmer for a half an hour, until soft but not mushy.

Remove the cooked pears to a serving dish. Restrain the youngest from eating immediately.

Replace the pot on the stove and bring the juice and spices to a boil. Allow to reduce by about 3/4, until syrupy. Pour over the pears, straining out the ginger and cinnamon.

Eat.

Yes, I had one. It was fresh and spicy and sweet and sour and amazing. All the more so because my youngest (mostly) made it.

And, it would have been better in the fall when pears were actually in season – but he was reading the cookbook in May. I’ll take what I can get.

Recently a recipe for the ubiquitous “Swiss Dressing” was posted on a reunion page of the school I attended while there. It made me laugh – the inclusion of “Magi Wurze” as an ingredient sent me to google – it’s basically MSG in a liquid base.

Here’s my adaptation of the recipe, and I’d say it’s a keeper. We’ve been pouring it over everything from chopped romaine hearts to steamed veggies to dribbled in nori wraps with avocado, thinly sliced meats and dried tomatoes. (Yum.)

Swiss Dressing

Ingredients:

Directions:
Place all the ingredients in a blender and blend thoroughly.

Makes 1 pint.

Tell me if you try it!

But it generated an extremely polarized conversation. In the one camp, “kids need to be trained to be independent,” and the other, “kids need to sleep with their parents as long as they exhibit the need; they will learn to be independent by having their needs met.”

I have been viewing life, health and wellbeing through the lens of evolution for some time now. It has been a profound contemplation for me, bringing me into deeper connection with my health, mental states, and choices about how I live my life. Questions like, “How would my ancestor have experienced this?” or “How can I simplify my life, bringing it closer to what my ancestor might have experienced?” Or, the obvious, “What would my ancestor have eaten?”

This lens has been powerful enough that I use it as the basis for a teaching series that I now offer monthly.

In typical mom fashion, though, I have always viewed the baby co-sleeping issue according to what’s best for baby. I put them first. Infants, toddlers and children don’t have the cognitive skills to understand that they are safe when there’s no adult in attendance in the dark. They’re genetically wired to know that they are vulnerable, and need protection. We know they are safe and sound in a crib, but all they know is they are alone. Fear and anxiety generates surges of cortisol, which stresses baby on a cellular level.

Of course, this is important. We need to help our children lead as stress-free an existence as possible, for their long-term physical and psychological health.

The piece I was missing is that in a hunter-gatherer, or even an agrarian, society, this job was not all up to two (or one!) parents. There were many adults available to protect infants and young children. There were older children and teens available. We lived in tribes—not in small, separate dwellings, away from extended family.

I’ve said it often. The nuclear family is a really bad experiment. It’s just too much pressure on one or two adults, the taking care of the deep needs of human young.

And, here we are. Feeling like there’s no way out. Hence my grief and heartbreak.

We either have children not getting their needs met, or we have adults overly stressed and strung out trying to satisfy those needs. And perhaps never quite meeting them even if they try everything in their power to “do it right”. Because, try as I might, I will never be a tribe unto myself. I have to wonder: Are some of my health issues a result of trying to satisfy the needs of my children, when it is literally impossible for me to do so?

It is a part of my ongoing contemplation about living in today’s world. I simply offer the question: How can we live as healthfully as possible in a culture that has changed so radically from that with which we have evolved?

I know, the answer is different for every individual. Just as the answer to, “how should I eat?” is different for everyone. And the answer that works today may be different than the answer that worked last year, or will work next year.

Another question I offer you, and myself to deepen this inquiry:

Can we forgive ourselves for not being able to perfectly satisfy our own and our children’s needs? Our spouse’s? Our parents’?

The ramifications of the fundamental changes of how we live as humans are far reaching. To name just a few: We no longer live in a tribal society. We eat foods our ancestors wouldn’t recognize. We can go long stretches of time without ever touching the earth. Our sleep is no longer governed by the rising and setting of the sun.

All this changes us on cellular and metabolic levels. And yet, we cannot say we have truly adapted to these shifts in environment. Our mental and physical health trends show the stress of this revolution.

We are generally not comfortable living with uncertainty. We want to know the right way to live. And, with all these changes, there may be no right way available to us. How do we live with that?

This is inquiry. It’s a simple process. Not always easy. But in the end, if we can let ourselves rest in the not knowing, the paradox, it can lead to great intimacy with ourselves, our loved one, and our lives. And perhaps more kindness to strangers on Facebook!

My work is in this world, at this time. This work invites you into intimacy with your life, despite the paradox.

My friend on facebook was hurt by the criticism. She felt the implication that she was insensitive to her child’s needs, or worse.

Like her, though, we are all between a rock and a hard place, looking for certain answers in an uncertain world.

We can be happy and healthy in this uncertainty. But it doesn’t happen by turning away from the paradoxes. Unacknowledged conflicts fester and are as toxic in our systems as fetid food.

This is gentle work we do. In classes and private counseling my passion is easing people into facing the fears that may arise from this seemingly unworkable situation. And perhaps finding freedom right in the center of what we may think is utterly untenable. I live in this world, too. This is a truly human journey.

May we all learn to find comfort in the paradox.

The cry is nearly universal. “What can I send with my child for lunch that is healthy, but won’t be ignored or dumped in the trash?”

Add on top of that, “And is free of (some combination of) gluten, dairy, soy, egg, corn, grains, sugar, nuts, …”

It’s enough to drive a mama/papa mad.

As a mama of two boys who between them avoid gluten, dairy, grains, sugar (honey excepted), artificial additives, and salicylates (say that ten times fast!), I’ve been mad. In all senses of the word.

Then I feel lucky. After all, they can still have eggs and nuts. And soy, if I liked (which I don’t).

It takes some planning, folks. Gone are the days when I could throw together some cheese slices and crackers, a few baby carrots and a banana.

Part of the planning is not just about the food itself, it’s about how my kids feel about the food. It’s about them feeling different from their classmates. It’s about making an effort not to create “forbidden foods” which therefore appear more desirable. And making them feel more safe in the world (wow, “regular” food can make me sick?)

And there’s the “ick” factor. “I don’t like it!” or “What is this stuff?”

Feeding kids healing foods is a whole lifestyle change. It’s takes a whole life VIEW change. It requires radical surrender and taking responsibility, all at the same time.

I could write a whole book on that topic, (and perhaps will one day), but for today my focus is: packed lunches.

I’ll list a few favorites around here. Mix and match to satisfy your family’s particular sensitivities.

Leftovers. Okay, that’s MY favorite. Cook extra, and put it straight in the containers they’ll bring to school. If it needs to be warm, Thermoses are a wonderful thing. I’ve sent rice pasta with cheese or meat sauce; soup; stew with or without a grain or potato accompaniment; burgers and avocado, lettuce, tomato, pickle, with or without a gluten-free bun; tacos in sprouted corn tortillas with ground meat of choice, avocado, lettuce, mild salsa, olives; and more. What’s for dinner? Can you figure out a way to pack it? Go for it!

Pancakes. I don’t like most commercial gluten-free breads, they’re generally full of non-nutritious starches and sugar. So, I make large batches of pancakes for Sunday brunch. Sometimes two – one gluten-free sourdough for my older boy and almond flour- or winter squash-based for my younger. We feast Sunday, and have a couple days’ worth of pancake sandwiches left. What’s a pancake sandwich, you ask? Pancakes, nut butter of choice, and a little smear of honey or sugar-free jam. (I’ve tried it with cheese, but I got a confused look, so haven’t made that again.)

Eggs. If your young one tolerates them, they’re a great choice. Super source of protein, and if the chickens are pastured, also a great source of Omega 3 fatty acids. Boiled, egg salad, sliced over green salad (dressing on the side), scrambled in a Thermos (with a pancake!), even fried. Frittata leftovers are super easy to pack.

Canned fish or chicken salad. For the fish, I prefer canned wild salmon to tuna due to concerns about heavy metals, but both are easy. For chicken, use leftover roasted or steamed. Mix with a little chopped onion and celery, add some preferably homemade mayonnaise (it’s easy, really!) and call it done. Serve on lettuce with live sauerkraut and tomato and pickle on the side. A few rice crackers or organic corn chips or other vegetable chips to scoop it up if you must, but just pack a fork, and it will really be enough.

Quesadillas. Sprouted corn tortillas (organic, please – almost all non-organic corn is GMO these days), and choice of jack cheese, avocado, green onion, chicken, olives … whatever you can imagine melting into that layer of cheese. Warm it, cut it in four, and send it in a Thermos. Dairy-free? I’ve been known to make “nuttydillas” —nut butter and honey or sugar-free berry jam between two warmed corn tortillas. Hummus and avocado are also options for a “wrap”–type tortilla filler.

Smoothies. This is the best way I know to sneak nutrition into my guys. Use a base of yogurt, or coconut yogurt if dairy-free. Add any mixture of the following powerhouse foods: fruit (berries preferred), chia seed, ground flax seed, egg yolk, nut butter of choice, green food such as spirulina or chlorella, whey powder, colostrum, coconut oil, grass fed ghee, wheat grass juice, bee pollen, or avocado. I’ve even been known to add a little mildly flavored chicken broth in my kids’ smoothies. If it’s mostly the yummy stuff, a little “healthy” stuff won’t stand out. Add a few drops of stevia or a teaspoon of raw honey if there’s not enough sweetness.

Go slow! Don’t add a lot of super-foods all at once if your child isn’t accustomed to eating them. They might feel a little queasy. There can be too much of a good thing.

Sides. Vegetables: Vegetables with ranch dressing, or whatever the current favorite dressing is, with hummus, or other bean-based dip. Or by themselves. Raw, lightly steamed, sautéed, braised. Carrots, broccoli, green beans, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, sugar snap peas,…. Live, lacto-fermented sauerkraut or pickles (I like Bubbie’s brand if you don’t make this kind of thing yourself. But they’re EASY to make.)

Bread, chips or crackers: they’re not the most nutritious choices, but are sometimes how we get our kids to eat. Organic corn chips, yam chips, vegetable chips, or rice crackers. Read your bread ingredients and avoid any with tapioca or potato starch high on the list. Better yet, make your own!

Grains. I don’t consider them a staple, but most in our culture do. Try to introduce some of the more nutritious types, like quinoa, buckwheat, and millet. Millet and quinoa are a great substitute for the wheat bulgar in tabouli, and is very packable. Make it with LOTS of parsley, which is packed with minerals, anti-oxidants and vitamins.

Any grain can be transformed into a salad or stir-fry, and is a great way to hide vegetables for the resistant. Chop them finely and add a protein, favorite dressing or some gluten-free soy sauce or coconut aminos and call it yum.

Packing real-food, non-allergenic lunches is not hard, but it does take a bit of planning. Have your pantry staples on hand and keep the fridge full of a nice array of vegetables. Plan dinners large to be able to use leftovers.

And, above all, get the kids involved! They can make their own sandwiches, package their own leftovers at night, cook their own eggs, get their own napkin and eating utensils. (They can unpack at the end of the day, too, and put all their dirty containers in the sink, too. Or so I’ve been told. Haven’t seen that one much.)

You can have it again.

Coconut Ranch Dressing

Directions:
Place all the ingredients a food processor or blender and mix well.

Enjoy!

St Nick left treats in our boots, just like he does every year. Dad got his usual bottle of beer (gluten-free), mom got an avocado, the younger found a grapefruit and the older a bag of chili lime cashews. Yum. St Nick knows us all very well.

Which the boys notice. “Hey, do you think he just takes these things out of our fruit bowl and cabinet and puts them in our boots?” We’ve heard this question before. When you eat differently from most, the special items the fairies and mythical saints drop off on their way around the world look suspiciously familiar.

“Maybe he lives here,” the almost 11 year old says.

The statement hits me. I look at him sternly. “If you know something, don’t spoil it for those that don’t.”

They have five minutes to get ready for school.

We’re standing side by side at the kitchen sink when I say this, and he gives me a confused look.

I realize, he was just testing.

I watch the cascade of changing emotions course through his body as he continues to get ready for school. I notice how the realization hits me, too. I feel AWFUL. Like I’d smashed his favorite lego creation. No – worse. You can rebuild legos.

Dad’s heading out the door with the youngest and Jesse comes back into the kitchen. We both burst into tears.

“I’m so sorry,” I say.

“Is it all of them? The tooth fairy, too?”

I promise we’ll talk that night. I tell him that Santa is a beautiful kid magic, and he’s ready to know about the real magic, a deeper magic. I tell him again how sorry I am, that I thought he knew. I ask if he was testing, and he says he was. I comment that we need to be careful what we ask for, because we might get it.

Then, through his tears he laughs. “You guys did a great job! All that special handwriting on the notes. You totally had me!”

*************************************

I know this would be a perfect place to end this post, but I have to tell you about the evening conversation.

The youngest tucked in bed, it’s our time to talk.

Jesse is a musician. He has a bewildering, wild talent. He’s already proficient in two instruments and holds his own pretty well in a few more. I ask him, “How do you feel when you play music?”

“Like I’m doing what I’m meant to do,” he replies immediately.

“That’s the magic,” I said.

He nods. He gets it.

“It’s possible to feel that way all the time, about everything,” I say. “Your dad and I go on retreats and do rituals to get in deeper touch with that.”

He simply sits for a moment. “Sometimes when I just feel good, I look around and think, wow, it just is.” He has the glow of a bigger knowing on his face.

He turns 11 tomorrow, Christmas day. He’s commented a few times that this year feels different. We can see the changes in him. He’s testing in a lot of ways, and he’s taking on more responsibility. Even when he doesn’t want to. He’s able to hold a paradox.

Santa may not be coming in the flesh, but there’s still magic. Can you feel it? Jesse does. I do, when I take the time to sit still and breathe.

May you take the time this holiday season to feel your body, to feel the earth and air, water, fire and spirit as it offers itself to you, all the time. May you snuggle with your loved ones. Tell them you love them. May you feel your griefs and your joys fully, and know that you and they are the real magic, the truly human mystery.

I created this last year for the holidays, and couldn’t stop drinking it. I was so happy to know if was fortifying for my body! Lauric acid in the coconut milk, great essential fatty acids in the pastured eggs – no guilt here. Just deep satisfaction.

I made it last weekend for the Holiday Paleo Potluck, and put in too much stevia. (Ew. Don’t do that.)

I’ve reduced the quantity of sweetener in this recipe, so add to taste. Something we quickly realized – the “optional cheer” helps cut the stevia bitter edge

Use honey to be strictly GAPS/SCD compliant. Use the stevia to keep it lower carb. Most important – enjoy!

Rockin’ Paleo Nog